Second ultrasound

We went for our second ultrasound today.  Our little one is measuring 6 weeks 2 days, which is just 3 days behind where I am at.  That is perfectly normal since there is a +/- 4 day variance on early ultrasound measurements.  Also, the tech only did one measurement of little one, so there is a larger margin of error.  More importantly, we were able to see our little one's heart beating away.  Heart rate was a nice strong 105 bpm.  She said this was right on track for where I am at in this pregnancy. 

We also met with the RE (it was R's first time meeting her).  She seemed very optimistic and said that the risk of miscarriage went from 30% to less than 10%.  She said it could be even lower due to my age, but she likes to be more cautious.  She gave me some advice for my constipation and nausea and said that I can go back to Dr J (my OB).  She also said that going on the camping trip in a couple of weeks would be fine, but that I need to be able to get to a hospital if I were to start bleeding.  I still need to research and see how far the campsite is from a hospital.  I stopped by Dr J's office on my way out and scheduled my first OB appointment for a week from today.

Without further ado, here is the latest pic of little one:

- J

Baby's first camping trip

We got back from our Memorial Day camping trip yesterday.  It wasn't our normal Macthoy trip.  We weren't up to going that far and I didn't want to be that far from a hospital in case there was an issue, so instead we went camping with the band. 

We went to a campground in the mountains by North Bend.  The campsite itself was beautiful, but the drive there was awful.  There is a logging road that you have to go down to get to the campsite and it is not maintained at all.  3-4 miles of the road was just potholes.  The group site that we reserved was not as big as we thought it would be, so cramming all of the tents in there was a challenge, but we made it work.  Also, there was another site directly next to ours, which was a bit of a problem.  There wasn't a lot of privacy.  But the views of the mountains and the sounds from the river were stellar. 

Unfortunately, the weather was not great.  The first night it poured and was really cold, which flavored the rest of the trip.  The firewood got all wet so starting a fire was nearly impossible which meant that there was no shot at all of drying out.  The next day there was some sun and overall it was more enjoyable, but it was still pretty cold.  By the time Sunday rolled around, everyone decided to cut the trip short a day and go home.

There is another camping trip coming up in a couple of weeks, but I am not sure if I am going to go.  I am leaning towards not at this point.  It is further away, and I am just not sure how I feel about being away from a hospital.  Also, I felt like people were annoyed by having to avoid smoking near me.  I kind of felt like I was an inconvenience and people would have been happier if I had not been there.  Plus, Pickles was really not enjoying herself.  On the other hand, the site is supposed to be gorgeous, and the weather should be much better.  I am going to talk to my doctor tomorrow and see what she thinks.

Which brings me to the most exciting yet nerve-wracking part of this.  Tomorrow I go in for another ultrasound.  I am praying that little one is okay and we get to see a nice strong, healthy heartbeat tomorrow.  R wasn't at the first appointment where I saw the heartbeats for the twins, so I am excited for him to be there with me tomorrow.  I am praying that it goes well, so that he can have that experience with me. 

Wish us luck!  I will post more tomorrow.

- J

6 Weeks!

6 weeks today!  I am thrilled to be at this point.  I am feeling much better today and I think a lot of that has to do with taking another test this morning and getting a really dark line.  I know it's a little ridiculous, but I couldn't help it.  Anyway, here I am at 6 weeks.  Woohoo!

We are going camping this weekend, which should hopefully be a lot of fun.  I am a little nervous about the weather and the bears.  They have been spotted in the area and it is cub season, so I hope we don't run into any angry mama bears.  I am also a little nervous about avoiding people's cigarette smoke and not giving away our secret.  We'll see what happens I guess. 

Weekly Check In:

• How far along?: 6 weeks

• Total weight gain: They didn't weigh me last week, so I have no idea.

• How big is baby?: Little one is the size of a sweet pea today!  R asked me the size this morning and when I told him he said "of course little one is a sweet pea, but what size is it?"  I thought that was really cute.

• Maternity clothes?: I have pretty much made the conversion to maternity clothes or sweats full time at this point.  They are comfortable, and I am only slightly ashamed.

• Movement: Still way too early.

• Stretch marks?: Just the ones I already had.

• Sleep?: I think I am starting to get used to being exhausted.  I am still worn out all of the time, but I seem to be better able to cope with it.  I think I have been sleeping a little better too.  If not, I am used to tossing and turning all night as well.

• Symptoms?: Exhausted, heartburn, heightened sense of smell, frequent urination, gassy, constipated, very mild nausea, and really vivid dreams.  I am still loving each and every symptom.

• Food cravings:  Fruit and veggies are still good, but I have also been craving hot dogs lately.

• Belly button in or out?: Still an innie.

• What I miss: Still missing the ability to have a normal bed time.  I am also missing coffee at this point.

• What I'm looking forward to: Our next ultrasound on the 31st!  Here's hoping we see a perfect, healthy heartbeat.

• Best Moment this week: Telling our parents.  Everyone was thrilled and so excited.  It was great to be able to surprise them that way.

• Milestone: This week, little one's brain is continuing to form, as are it's arms and legs.  Blood is pumping through it's little body, and eyes and nostrils are starting to form. At this point, little one has a pancreas and an appendix.

- J

Effects of Lovenox, dreams, and other musings...

I feel like there are a lot of emotions building up in me right now that I need to get out, so this will likely be a bit of a rant.  First off, I have to show off my Lovenox bruises.  They are pretty impressive if I do say so myself. 

 Now, on to the rant.


I am starting to overanalyze things again.  I am guessing that this is going to be the way it is throughout this pregnancy, but it is starting to drive me crazy.  Yesterday morning, I felt confident and secure in the fact that I am pregnant.  But as the day progressed, the fear and doubt started to creep in.  I am terrified that my LO has died and I won't know until my next ultrasound on the 31st.  That is such a long time to wait.  Again, I have no reason to believe that this is the case.  I am still having symptoms, and if anything my fatigue has gotten worse.  I am starting to feel like some of the symptoms are getting a little bit better, but I actually think that maybe I am just getting used to them.  I had a dream last night that we went for our ultrasound and our little one's heart was beating away at 129 bpm, and baby was moving around.  I felt better when I woke up, but then quickly realized that it would be way too early for little one to look like a baby and be moving around.  That got me started worrying again.

I think R is starting to believe that this is actually happening.  He commented yesterday that there were two of us next to him in the car.  At that point, it dawned on me that I keep flip flopping between feeling hopeful and positive about this pregnancy and totally detached, like it isn't real.  I know from talking to other ladies in my position that these are common feeling, but I really don't like them.  I know I will feel better when we have our next ultrasound.  Unfortunately that is 6 days away, and 4 of those days I am on vacation with no work to distract me.  In fact, I will be sitting in the middle of the woods with little to do except think.

Wish me luck!

- J

Big Announcement!

Yesterday we went up to Bellingham to celebrate Mom's birthday.  The plan was to surprise Mom, Dad and Sig with our big announcement, but I was nervous because the night before, Mom had mentioned having a dream about me having a little girl.  I was hoping that I would be able to keep the secret until Sig arrived.

We got there between 12:00 and 1:00, and we had to wait until Sig got there at 3:00-ish.  Luckily, R and I had a lot to get done and we were able to keep ourselves distracted.  We both went with Mom to get a new gas tank for the grill.  That ended up being a huge project, as the gas tank fitting on the grill weren't compatible.  R and Mom went back to the hardware store and swapped out the tank again, but ended up having the same problem.  We got it working for a few minutes, but then it stopped working again.  We also had to take apart the crib, and I had to bake Mom's cake.  In the meantime, we had lots of surprise visitors.  Mom's aunt and uncle came by to wish Mom a happy birthday, and Dad's former caregiver stopped by as well. 

Finally, Sig arrived.  Unfortunately, she showed up while Dad's former caregiver was there, so we had to wait until she left to give the gift bags.  As soon as she walked out the door, I gave Mom and Sig their gift bags.  In each was a Grandma's Handbook with a copy of the ultrasound photo in it.  I also included a picture book for each bag.  Mom's was "The Berenstein Bears and a Week at Grandma's".  Sig's was "Just Grandma and Me (A Little Critter book)".  And I slid a "I love Grandpa" bib in Mom's so that Dad wouldn't feel left out.  Sig was the first one to guess, which I found a little surprising considering Mom's dream.  Everyone was thrilled.  And more importantly, everyone agreed to not say anything until we are ready.

So everything went really well and it is so much easier now that we don't have to hide anything from our parents.  

- J

Introducing our Little One!

Here is the very first picture of our little darling.

All you can see is the gestational sac, but that is exactly what you should see at 5 weeks.  In fact, little one is measuring exactly on track.  And, there are no bleeds in my uterus, my tubes look good, and it looks like I ovulated from the right side.  Everything looks textbook right now.

I got a chance to meet with the doctor as well.  She said that I will stay with her practice until I am at least 10 weeks along or until my OB wants me back.  She said that I should stop the progesterone and Metformin between 10 and 12 weeks, but when I mentioned that I would feel better staying on them until I am past the point where I lost Hannah and Liam, she said that was fine.  She did say that I am going to stay on the baby aspirin and the Lovenox for a long time to come.  Finally, she said that any time I was feeling anxious, I was welcome to come back in for a check.

Today has been such a wonderful day.  I am absolutely floating on air today.  We are all set to tell our parents tomorrow.  And now I have pictures I can give them as well.

- J

5 Weeks!

I am 5 weeks along today! That puts me 1/8 of the way through this pregnancy. Every week that I get to check off without a problem is an absolute blessing.

I get to go in for an even earlier ultrasound tomorrow! I called my RE's office yesterday and explained how anxious I was. They said that given my history, I could come in tomorrow, as long as I understood that it would be too early to see a heartbeat yet. I am absolutely okay with that if it means that I get to see my little one. And I get to keep the appointment on the 31st! Fingers crossed that everything goes well tomorrow.

Weekly Check In:

• How far along?: 5 weeks

• Total weight gain: Haven't been weighed yet. We'll see if they weigh me tomorrow.

• How big is baby?: Little one is the size of an appleseed today!

• Maternity clothes?: I have started wearing some transitional pieces, not because I have a bump but because my bloat is that bad.

• Movement: Way too early.

• Stretch marks?: Just the ones I already had.

• Sleep?: I have been sleeping better, although I am going to bed at 8:30 or 9:00 and waking up at 4:00 am. I don't seem to be tossing and turning quite as much. I am exhausted again about an hour after I wake up though.

• Symptoms?: Exhausted, heartburn, heightened sense of smell, frequent urination, gassy, constipated, very mild nausea, and really vivid dreams.  I am still loving each and every symptom.

• Food cravings:  Fruit and veggies are still sounding fantastic at this point. I am finding that any soy product other than soy milk is making me nauseous, which makes life difficult with my food allergies.

• Belly button in or out?: Still an innie.

• What I miss: The only thing I miss at this point is energy and the ability to go to bed at 11:00 like a decent 29 year old.

• What I'm looking forward to: I can't wait for my ultrasound tomorrow. And as long as everything goes well, we will be telling our parents on Saturday.

• Best Moment this week: Taking a digital test and seeing the word "Pregnant" come up. That and getting my third beta results.

• Milestone: This week, little one's kidneys, liver and nerves are forming, as are the buds for it's arms and legs. Little one's spine has formed, and it's heart will start beating within the next week, although it is still too early to pick up on an ultrasound. 

- J

Getting anxious today...

So far, I have been doing pretty well with this pregnancy anxiety-wise. Today, I am starting to feel anxious for some reason. I have no explanation. There is no reason to think that anything is wrong with our little one. My symptoms are all strong and I have actually been getting some nausea and more vivid dreams the last couple of days. I have not had any spotting. There's no reason for me to be anxious at all.

The only thing I can think of is that maybe it is because of when I started spotting in previous pregnancies. With the last little one, I started spotting on the day I found out I was pregnant, which was 4 weeks and 6 days (exactly where I am today). With Hannah and Liam, the spotting started at 5 weeks 2 days, which is coming up on Sunday. I am so nervous that something is going to happen to this little one, who I already love so much.

Today I am pregnant and I love my baby...

- J

Lovely Sunday.

Today was a lovely day. I spent the morning with R. We went and picked up a coat for Pickles (our dog) for camping in the mountains at the end of the month and then stopped for breakfast. In the afternoon, while R was at practice, my friend Hanna came over. Unfortunately, she lost her wallet on the way here, so we went looking for it (no luck) and then ran some errands. I invested in some yoga pants, because with this bloat, they are so much more comfortable than jeans. I am hoping I can get away with wearing them at work. After running errands, we came back home and are currently watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It was a wonderful, quiet, relaxing Sunday.

I am counting down the days until we tell our parents and then our ultrasound!

- J

Original Due Date

Today is May 14, 2011. It is my original due date with our twins. I am having really mixed feelings about this. While I know that I could not be pregnant with this little one if I hadn't lost Hannah and Liam, it is still so early in my pregnancy. If I knew that this baby would be our take home baby, I would still be sad, and I would still miss Hannah and Liam terribly, but I think I would be better able to cope. If I lose this little one (please God don't let that happen), there is no reason for losing our twins or our last little one.

Mostly, I am hopeful about the outcome of this pregnancy, but I am so cautious as well. Every little twinge scares the hell out of me. I think I will be alternating between excited and worried for the whole pregnancy, but I am hoping that as I start to pass other milestones the worry will ease a little bit. For now, I am trying to take it one day at a time, one check-up at a time, one milestone at a time. As some very wise women I know say, today I am pregnant and I love my baby.

- J

Here's hoping the 3rd time's the charm...

After a rough weekend between the 6 month anniversary of losing Hannah and Liam, and what should have been my first Mother's Day, I got a fantastic surprise last Monday.

I am pregnant again!!  And while I am very nervous and cautious, I am also feeling optimistic about this little one.  I went in for all of the requisite blood tests this week.  The goal is to have the hormone amount double every 24 hours.  On Monday, 11 days past ovulation, my hormone level was 11.  That amount is low, but as my RE mentioned, I did test 4 days early.  On Wednesday, my hormone level was 45.  It more than quadrupled from the first draw.  And on Friday, my hormone level was 149!  I will be going in for my first ultrasound on 5/31.  I will be 6 weeks and 5 days along at that point.  I am praying we will be able to see a heartbeat.  My due date is 1/19/2012.

In the meantime, I am continuing on the Metformin (for insulin resistance), baby aspirin, progesterone suppositories, and Lovenox (an injectable blood thinner).  I will remain on most of those drugs for the whole first trimester, although I may end some sooner and continue others longer, depending on what my Drs say.

We haven't told anyone yet.  We are planning on telling my parents and R's mom a week from today.  I have a surprise all planned out for it.  We will be celebrating Mom's birthday and also having a belated Mother's Day celebration.  I ordered two picture books (one is "Just Grandma and Me (A little critter book)", and the other is "The Bernstein Bears and a Week at Grandma's").  I also ordered two copies of "The Grandma's Book: For the Grandma Who's Best at Everything".  And I got a bib that says "I love Grandpa" (I wanted to make sure that Dad didn't feel left out).  My plan is to wrap up the books and have both moms open them at the same time.  I can't wait to see how they react.

So, my plan is update at least once a week with how everything is going.  I found some great questions on another person's blog that I am going to use.

• How far along?: 4 weeks, 2 days

• Total weight gain: Not sure yet.  I haven't been weighed in a while.  I guess we will see on 5/31.

• How big is baby?: LO is the size of a poppy seed!

• Maternity clothes?: Definitely not yet, but I am pretty bloated, so as soon as I get home the sweatpants come on.

• Movement: Way too early. 

• Stretch marks?: Just the ones I already had.

• Sleep?: Not a lot.  I have been waking up multiple times during the night, either to pee or because I have heartburn.  I have also been waking up really early.  And then I am exhausted all day.

• Symptoms?: Exhausted, heartburn, heightened sense of smell, frequent urination, metallic taste, gassy, and constipated.  Sounds awful, but I am loving each and every symptom.

• Food cravings:  Fruit and veggies are sounding fantastic at this point.

• Belly button in or out?: Still an innie.

• What I miss: At this point, the only thing I really miss is coffee, but it is so worth giving up if it means I get a healthy baby to bring home in January!

• What I'm looking forward to: I am looking forward to telling our parents and going in for my ultrasound.

• Best Moment this week: Seeing that faint second line and getting such excellent blood test results.

• Milestone: Not sure.  I will have to check my books and find out what's going on this week.

 - J